I wish I never met you. Not because how mean you are to me. But so we wouldn’t have all those times when we were happy so I don’t remember being so much in love with you. I don’t want to miss you and remember how we used to be. I don’t want to be reminded of you by everything because of where we’ve gone or what we’ve done or our stupid inside jokes. I don’t want to get those butterflies whenever you kiss me on my forehead because you know forehead kisses are my favorite. I don’t want to know how you are the only one I know who wears belts that look like car seat belts and you think they’re so cool. I don’t want to remember you putting my hair behind my ear because my bangs would always fall into my face and you wanted to look at my eyes. I don’t want to remember your cute wrinkles in the corner of your eyes every time you see me. I don’t want to remember how you would act dumb just so I would laugh. I don’t want to remember how you’d sneak up behind me hugging me from the back and then carry me like how couples do when they get married even though I screamed no and I told you I hated that, I secretly loved it. I don’t want to remember your moles and how I was jealous of them because I think moles are beautiful. I don’t want to remember how you sucked at saying things to make me feel better but you were always there just to listen to me. I don’t want to remember how you were shy around everyone but when its just you and me you talk soooooo much and people say I talk a lot. I don’t want to remember how even though my dad turned off my phone and internet we still found ways just to talk to eachother like through my email that still works even when my phone doesn’t. I don’t want to remember swearing id never fall for you but I did anyways. Spending hours getting ready and talking on the phone. I don’t want to have made that stupid list and remember what we’ve actually done like disneyland, del mar fair, the beach and even stupid things like eating chicken with donuts. I don’t want to remember how everytime we go into Chic-fil-A you would steal literally 4 handfuls of mints and stick them in my bag but I always ended up eating them. I don’t want to remember kissing you. Thinking how soft your lips are and how I can never get tired of kissing you. I don’t want to tell people how my first was with you and how you made me feel. I don’t want to think that you’re the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen and I love how other people disagree because I don’t want them to see how truly wonderful you are to me. I don’t want to know how you’re grandpa loved me and told me that I’m already part of the family and how he loved me to be your wife and how he would give me rides all the time. I don’t want to remember how my dad hated you so much and threatened to kill you but I didn’t care because I loved you. I don’t want those memories. I don’t want these feelings. I don’t care how mean you are to me. I care about how you used to be so sweet to me but how you’re not that anymore. I don’t want to remember literally hundreds of nights of screaming at eachother back and forth because you know how both of us love to be right. And whenever I’d hang up you would call back atleast literally 100 times and how I actually told the principal on you because I said you were harassing me. I hate how you don’t even call back once now. I don’t want to remember everytime I walked away you would run after me until that one day. That day I told myself I had enough. I wish you meant nothing to me but instead you mean the world to me. I hate how I don’t really hate you at all. I just love you too much. That I give you every one of my damn emotions because that’s how you make me feel. Not just happy. You make me crazy that I can’t handle it. You know how that one time when I said I don’t see you as another person? I still don’t. I still see you as part of me. You’re like my conscious telling me what to do and what I shouldn’t. I always have you around. We were together that much that you became part of me. That’s how I felt. Maybe I hated you so much because I hate myself. And I don’t know where to take it out on. And now that it seems like you’re leaving me. It feels like part of me just left me. That feeling where you feel so empty. Like somethings missing. It sucks. Sooo much. Like that part that left me that was you was my happiness and my love and you just left me with The half that’s bitter and sad. So I’m sorry for everything ok? I’m sorry that I can’t deal with feeling like I’m living in the movie The Notebook. Fighting all the time and being crazy with eachother. I’m sorry that I think its better to keep you as a best friend but I shouldn’t make you and force you to stay just because I need you. I’m sorry. Goodnight.